02 03 Mama Dews Reviews: #BehindTheBlogger Unwritten Letter To You 04 05 15 16 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 31 32 33

#BehindTheBlogger Unwritten Letter To You

#BehindTheBlogger Unwritten Letter To You

I am usually very good, about diving headlong into my writing, when I have a new prompt - but I will be honest, this one stumped me for awhile.

Who exactly should I discuss? My husband, my children, my parents, my birth parents, my siblings, his ex-wife, his daughter...me? The truth is, I could write about the things I have wanted to say to all of these people, all of the unwritten letters that I wish I had actually written, and it would go on for much longer than I have for this post - I don't want you all to be reading forever!

However, there is one letter that I wish I had always written, even if just for myself - the words have spun around in my head for YEARS, and now I will write them down...for my birth mother - My Unwritten Letter To You...

Dear Mom,

I grew up always knowing that I had been adopted, knowing what your name was, how old you were when you had me...the basics of how I went from being yours, to not being yours.

I used to dream about finding you, I always knew that when I turned 18, I would start searching for you. The truth is, I started long before I turned 18. I asked so many questions, that always had the same answer, but I needed to know as much about you as I could. Nobody really knew anything though.

When I left home, I was angry - why did it always seem like nobody wanted me? You had left me...WHY? Why was I not good enough for you? Why did you turn your back on me? Why the hell was I going through everything I was going through? Nobody understood anything...

I was angry for a long time, but eventually my anger turned towards hope...you can thank my husband for that. He told me, not to ever give up. After A LOT of searching, I found you, and I realized that you had never stopped thinking about me, and even my brother and sisters knew about me...still, there is a void there, one that is 30 years in the making. I don't think people understand how it feels - people that aren't adopted, that is. 

To have a family that cares about you, regardless of the arguments, but to still have a longing to know the one that made you. I am trying to fill the void, and every time I hear your voice, it fills a little more.

I don't think the questions will ever go away, I will always wonder why, I wasn't worth fighting for in that moment. It wont change anything now, but it will help give me closure. I love you, in truth, I always have, and I always will.

There is so much more that I want to say, things that are better said in person - things that might require a little yelling, and a whole lot of tears, but in the end, I still love you.


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 Thank you for reading a story from #BehindTheBlogger Hop. Every 2 weeks a group of bloggers is given a writing prompt. These prompts are very open ended, so our bloggers can write about whatever they desire. The main rule is that their blog post directly relates to the topic of that week. The point of this hop is for our readers to get to know us on a personal level.  Please hop along and read all of the blog posts in this weeks hop. Just click the links below. If you want real and raw emotion, then you will find it here. After you read each post, please comment and share. We want to get to know you too!
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